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Although you won't read this bit, I do promise not to bombard you with shite, and will only email you updates (that you won't read anyway), and no marketing bollocks (although if you do want some cheap viagra or a penis extension, I'm your man). This is the bit where it says 'Please let me know all the ways you would like to hear from us', which sounds kind of beggy, so I'll skip it and just say I'm only ever going to send you emails, and that's it (no postcards, strippagrams or owls):

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